everything's right tonight

counting down the days until summer officially begins: 16

i'll continue to be my own worst enemy, running as fast as i can.

at least my life is better than this guys...

when my family visits i feel so comfortable, because it's so nice to know that there are people who know just how weird i am, and love me anyway.

"i dont know if i'm ready for this."
"what is 'this'?"
being open. being hurt. liking. not being liked. seeing the flicker on. seeing the flicker off. leaping. falling. crashing.

all in all, it was a good weekend. hanging with my roommates' moms was great, and i think i gained some insight into what i want from life. i guess i can't go through life ignoring the future. i want to figure out what i want, before i'm so far away from it i can never go back.

i dont want to be the person who causes trouble in other people's lives. i hope that whatever happened had nothing to do with me.

i want to go somewhere different. i feel like even the things that i've been thinking will make me happy are not what i really want. i just want to smile, and feel lovely.

and laugh at inside jokes with my sibs. :)

a mish-mash of events, both fortunate and unfortunate

open up your heart, and you'll find the sky is yours

him: i wish you could feel my heart beat right now. you and only you.
me: that's so sweet. is that from something?
him: yeah, my heart to yours.

even when it doesn't really matter, it's so nice when people say the right thing. you can close your eyes and imagine whatever you want.

i need to break out of this new habit i seem to have picked up, this finding the one guy in the world who is a complete jerk and seeing all the good in him. it's nice on paper. cool in my stories, even, although not all the bad guys can have deep dark pasts that explain away every little thing they've done wrong. not so good on my heart.

today i was brave and talked to someone. which normally doesn't require any bravery at all, only he's different. i was outrageous, by my standards. i don't even know where this is coming from.

last night walking up to my house i saw a gray cat. he came when i called, and let me pet him. it made me sad, and i wanted to take him home. i miss you, lucky.

Library Books, Twitter, Disappointment: the internet is sucking my life away

It's been an interesting month. Actually, it's been an interesting year. I never stop surprising myself. This is going to be short, mainly because I have somewhere to be in twenty minutes, and I have a lot on my mind and I'm not sure I have time to get to all of it.

Keeping up a blog is not going to be easy, but I think it will give me discipline. At the very least, it will give the internet another piece of my soul to store away. Whatever happened to real life, anyway?

JV